DEVELOPING PROBLEM – SOLVING SKILLS: Conflict And Criticism In Ministry

‘’And some days after Paul said unto Barnabas, let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do. And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark. But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work. And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so, Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus; ‘’ Acts 15: 36-39.

^‘’(Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.) And the Lord spake suddenly unto Moses, and unto Aaron, and unto Miriam, Come out ye three unto the tabernacle of the congregation. And they three came out. And the Lord came down in the pillar of the cloud, and stood in the door of the tabernacle, and called Aaron and Miriam: and they both came forth.And he said, hear now my words: If there be a prophet among you, I the Lord will make myself known unto him in a vision, and will speak unto him in a dream.My servant Moses is not so, who is faithful in all mine house. With him will I speak mouth to mouth, even apparently, and not in dark speeches; and the similitude of the Lord shall he behold: wherefore then were ye not afraid to speak against my servant Moses? And the anger of the Lord was kindled against them; and he departed. And the cloud departed from off the tabernacle; and, behold, Miriam became leprous, white as snow: and Aaron looked upon Miriam, and, behold, she was leprous. And Aaron said unto Moses, Alas, my lord, I beseech thee, lay not the sin upon us, wherein we have done foolishly, and wherein we have sinned. Let her not be as one dead, of whom the flesh is half consumed when he cometh out of his mother’s womb. And Moses cried unto the Lord, saying, Heal her now, O God, I beseech thee. And the Lord said unto Moses, if her father had but spit in her face, should she not be ashamed seven days? let her be shut out from the camp seven days, and after that let her be received in again. ‘’ Numbers 12: 3-14.

Conflict and criticism are two issues leaders cannot ignore. They will always have them. The best way to avoid criticism is to say nothing, do nothing and be nothing. All leaders will face conflict. Difficult people and circumstances will arise. Leaders must recognize that conflict is natural. It occurs simply because of human differences. Conflict is neutral, in itself, it is neither destructive nor constructive. And conflict is normal. It happens to all of us. But how we handle conflicts and criticism will go a long way either further or retard our progress.

A. BASIS FOR THE TEACHING.

Conflicts are being allowed to ruin churches and ministries.
Many leaders are afraid to face and handle conflicts.
Inability to confront the difficult person is ruining things – leaving them to much havoc.
Ignorance on how to handle conflict and criticism
The believe that conflict is sinful and demonic is prevalent
The compromise that want to maintain peace even at the cost of progress and growth. Peace at all cost have ruined man good works.
Many ministers have surrendered leadership to lower forces.
They need to handle conflict and criticism correctly.

B. RIGHT WAY TO CRITICIZE – Galatians 2: 11-21.

Paul integrity drove him to Peter, his fellow leader, in front of several Jewish and Gentile believers. Paul teaches us how to criticize others. Consider the check list:

Check your motive. Your goals should be to help not to humiliate.
Make sure the issue is worthy of criticism. Does it really matter?
Be specific. Don’t drop hint, but clearly name the problem.
Don’t undermine the person’s self confidence or identity. Make it obvious that you value the person.
Don’t compare people. Use realistic standards to measure conduct.
Be creative or don’t criticize. Find ways to reach a solution
Don’t attack the person. Critique the problem, not the person.
Do not post pone needed criticism. If the issue is big, act now
Look at yourself looking at others. Take the log out of your own eyes.
End criticism with encouragement. Finish in a positive note.

C. RIGHT WAY TO HANDLE CRITICISM – Numbers 12: 3-14.

Leaders can count on two truths. First, they will be criticized, second, criticism always change the leader. Unhappy and jealous people tend to attack the point person. Moses own family criticized him. Here’s how he handled criticism:

Maintain your humility (vs 3)
Face the criticism squarely (vs 4)
Be specific about the issue (vs 5)
Lay out the consequences (vs 9, 10)
Pa for the criticizers (vs 12, 13)
Restore them when appropriate (vs 14).

Beyond that, consider ten ways leaders should handle criticism.

Understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
Don’t take yourself too seriously- don’t allow criticism to discourage and depress you.
Watch your own attitude toward the critic.
Recognize that good people (even Jesus get criticized).
Look beyond and see the critic – good or bad person.
Stay in shape – physically, emotionally and spiritually – don’t be side tracked and start chasing shadows.
Don’t just see the critic; see the crowd. Are many criticizing you?
Don’t get defensive. Wait for a time to prove them wrong.
Try to learn a principle. Thank the critic for what you learn. God sometimes use your critics to help you improve.
Concentrate on your mission, change your mistake.

D. CONFLICT WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE.

Hard to please, fault- finding, domineering, negative minded people – those that misinterpret, misrepresent and misunderstood our motives, vision and statements.

There are difficult people that will question our call, teaching and leadership. Difficult situations will arise and we will have to deal with them. How do we go about it well?

Use the 101% principle. Find the 1% you agree on and give it 100% of your attention
Love people more than policies, but love truth more than people, stay with the truth and on the side of truth.
Give others the benefit of doubt.
Learn to be flexible where you can. Rigidity kills a leader.
Check your attitude
Don’t over-react to conflict and disagreement.
Welcome the conflict. Make it a learning experience.
Provide an escape for the person in conflict. Let them maintain integrity.
Take a risk. Give people a second chance.
Take the high road. Be generous and believe the best of others.

E. HEALTHY CONFRONTATION AND SOLUTION – Phil. 8: 10.

The best way to solve many problems is to confront them. Sometimes those problems are people. Paul took great pains to confront Philemon about Onesimus. Consider these steps for confronting someone.

Pray through your own anger. Don’t let emotion lead you. Wait until you can be objective.
Initiate the contact. Don’t wait for the other person. God calls us to make things right.
Begin with affirmation. Encourage first, then receive permission to talk candidly
Admit you have a problem. Don’t it is other person’s problem; admit you are struggling.
Bring up the issue and explain you don’t understand what happened. Aim to clarify.
Let the person respond. After you lay out the issue, let the person speak from his or her angle.
Narrow the focus. Identify and priorities the issues. Go after one change at a time.
Establish forgiveness and repentance, if needed, don’t stop until change occurs.
Compromise on opinions, not on principles. Be flexible with everything except the truth.
Pray and affirm your love as you close. Never let the person doubt God’s love or yours