Increasingly, church minsters and leaders are finding healthy home in ministry very tough. The pressures of ministry and machinations of the devil is eating away the homes of many high- or low-profile minsters of the gospel. Gradually, adultery separation and divorce have crept steadily into the home, if our ministry is not going to be in vain. It is very possible for your salt to lose its saltness and your light to become darkness, if you allow your marriage to crash. Crash marriages always lead to crumbling ministries.
A. BIBLICAL FOUNDATION – Luke 1:5-6; Acts 18:2, 18, 26; Rom. 16:3
Zacharias and Elizabeth were ministry couples, yet they were able to keep their marriage. Aquila and Priscilia were also ministry couples, yet they maintained a healthy home. They kept their homes while doing ministry. They faced challenges at home, but they handled them admirably and their ministry kept thriving.
- Ministry and marriage are like Siamese twins- both can live together.
- Your marriage can destroy your ministry and your ministry can ruin your marriage
- When there is no peace at home, there will be pieces in ministry
- Ministry priority and pressure can affect your home adversely
Minsters are public figures. More than anybody else, your marriage and home matters, because it will set the pace, influence and shape the homes of many others far and near, you cannot therefore handle your marriage and home with levity, else you will unconsciously ruin the life and marriages of many, and their blood will be on your neck (Luke 17:1,2; 1Cor. 8:12-13).
B. WHY MINISTRY LEADERS DON’T HAVE HEALTHY HOMES – 1 Tim.3:3-5; 5:8
It is common knowledge that many ministry leaders are grappling with their home today. Many are silent on marriage teachings in their churches simply because they don’t have healthy homes yet. Here are reasons that have brought minsters to this story state:
- Faulty foundation- no discipler, sound teaching and training before marriage
- Disobedience in marrying the wrong person
- No marriage mentor and leader to be accountable to
- Placing undue priority on ministry above the home
- Failure to develop marriage and family skills
- Neglecting your spouse and over commitment to activities
- Attack and negative bounce- back from demonic agents
- No learning spirit and continuous education on marriage and ministry
- Failure to keep investing in your marriage and home
- Distance, little communication and romance due to ministry travels.
These mistakes and failures on the part of ministry leaders have led to the ministry of the homes. Recently Benin Hinn admitted that he had no time for his home, because of ministry. His wife sued for divorce and he almost lost his ministry, until he traced back his steps. I hope leaders will correct their mistakes too in this area so that we can stem the tide of crisis in leaders’ homes.
Recommended Reading
Handling Power Brokers In The Church
Top Ten Lessons from the Life of Adam
30 Reasons Why People Marry Wrongly
C. PILLARS OF HEALTHY HOME OF LEADERS – 1 Sam. 2:12
Eli was an outstanding, excellent, dedicated, focused and upright leader. In layman’s language, he was a successful man of God. But in relation to his family, he was busy but guilty. He ministered in the temple, but he failed to minister at home. Nobody knew where his wife was. He discipled Samuel, but failed to disciple his sons. Eli failed to live out in his home what he taught in the temple. We must work to avoid mistakes that prophet Eli made in ministry by imbibing these pillars of healthy homes.
- Marry right and in the perfect will of God- make your marriage right before God
- Love the spouse you marry – some people marry the woman/ man they love, but find it hard to love the spouse they marry.
- Companionship- loneliness has made many leaders’ spouse to misbehave. Spend time together and cut short your travels or go together. There is the story of a couple that lives in GRA, have 7 jeeps but the husband is not always available. The wife is willing to exchange her home and husband with poor Christian woman in Mushin.
- Financial security- savings and long-range financial planning in integrity will bring peace to your spouse
- A happy spouse- make your husband or wife happy. Let your dispositions and attitude bring smiles to her face
- Communication – have time to share, listen and speak. Let her speak her mind and concerns. Don’t defend, change where necessary. Sometimes communication is spelled L-I-S-T-E-N, with rapt attention.
- Trust- build trust with your spouse. Be accountable and let your movements be known. Don’t travel with the opposite sex or be alone.
- Servant hood – serve one another with dignity.
- Honour- give honour to your wife. Respect your spouse and honour one another. Don’t ever put each other down. Let your spouse thrive in his/ her gifts and roles.
- Balance – keep your home away from the ministry. Let your home be separate. Don’t invite church elders to intrude into your home. Strike a balance between your home and the ministry.
- Protection- be a wall of protection to your wife. Cover her (Ruth3:9) protect her with your strength financially, spiritually and materially from distress.
- Drink water at home- it is dangerous to leave home thirsty, because there is too much water in the church (Prov. 5:15-19). Drink to your satisfaction at home emotionally, sexually, and passionately.
- Friendship – cultivate the relationship and friendship of your spouse. Be each others best friend and cheer leader. Work together, not against each other.
- Prayers- pray together as much as possible and intercede for one another.
With deliberate and intentional effort, every ministry leader can build a healthy home in ministry. And such home will be a strong bulwalk in ministry.