Ministering to those who minister—especially your pastor and church leaders—is a vital kingdom assignment. Whether you’re referring to the senior pastor, the music director, the Sunday school coordinator, the youth leader, or the children’s minister, one thing is sure: they carry heavy spiritual responsibilities. Few callings are as demanding, emotionally draining, time-consuming, and spiritually intense—but also as rewarding and eternally significant—as full-time ministry.
When you include the minister’s family in the picture, the weight of this responsibility becomes even clearer. A minister will serve better and with more joy when he knows that his family is being loved and supported. Ministry families live under the spotlight. People often expect them to be perfect, forgetting they are ordinary people called by God to an extraordinary assignment.
Let’s be intentional in showing love and honor to the man or woman of God and their family. The Word of God tells us to give double honor to those who labor in word and doctrine (1 Timothy 5:17). Below are some practical ways we can minister to those who minister to us:
MINISTERING TO THE PASTOR OR MINISTER
- Pray constantly and specifically. Cover your pastor and his family in intercession. Ask the Lord for wisdom, boldness, divine protection, patience, humility, spiritual insight, godliness, and renewed passion for the work of the Kingdom.
- Be a Barnabas—an encourager. A handwritten note or card filled with Scripture can lift a weary soul. On days when the calling feels heavy, such words can reignite their fire.
- Remember them throughout the year. Celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and other significant moments. When a minister sees their spouse and children being genuinely appreciated, it brings peace to their spirit and reminds them they are not alone in the journey.
- Become a prayer partner. Random messages filled with Scriptures and heartfelt prayers are like streams in a desert. A minister may not say it, but those messages can be the refreshing touch of God they need in that moment.
- Honor him publicly and privately. Speak well of your pastor in every space—your words build credibility, respect, and encouragement. Let your mouth be a well of life for your leader.
- Bless him with a gift card. A meal out or a token of appreciation goes a long way. It could also serve as a date night with his spouse—something that strengthens his family life.
- Encourage sabbath and rest. Ministers need spiritual retreats and rest. A small group or department can sponsor a short time away for refreshing and retooling. The ministry burden is real; even Jesus took time away to pray and be renewed.
- Support through service. Your active involvement in church helps lighten your pastor’s load. Don’t just fill a gap—be a pillar. Better yet, help raise others to serve.
- Speak the truth in love. Correction is necessary but must come from a place of spiritual maturity and love (Ephesians 4:15). Ministers are more receptive when they sense you are led by the Spirit.
- Be a growing disciple. The greatest gift to your minister is to be a believer who is maturing in Christ and helping others do the same. That is fulfilling the Great Commission and brings joy to your leader’s heart.
MINISTERING TO THE PASTOR’S WIFE
- Support her unique calling. Don’t assume she wants a title or position. She may not be called to the pulpit but to hospitality, counseling, or children’s ministry. Find out where her passion lies and cheer her on.
- Intercede for her and her family. If your church has several pastors, you could pray for a different family each month. Let her know through a short note or message that she’s being covered in prayer.
- Celebrate her special days. Send cards or little gifts on her birthday and anniversary. It may seem small, but these gestures carry the fragrance of love.
- Know her beyond the pulpit. Invite her to share her testimony in your women’s fellowship or small group. Let her know that she is seen, known, and loved for who she is, not just as “the pastor’s wife.”
- Appreciate her during clergy celebrations. Give her a spa treatment or pampering time during pastors’ appreciation week. She needs refreshing too.
- Don’t bring complaints to her. If there’s an issue, approach the minister directly, not his wife. She is not a go-between—she is a support system.
- Offer practical help. If she has young children, give her a break by taking them for an outing or watching them for a few hours. That time can be healing for her soul.
- Let her minister. If she enjoys teaching, invite her to lead a Bible study. If not, welcome her to participate as a student. Her gifts deserve a platform too.
- Give her edifying resources. Gift her a book like The Matured Pastor’s Wife and Female Minister by Dr. Francis Bola Akin-John. Better still, organize a book study with other pastor’s wives.
- Avoid unrealistic expectations. Don’t put her on a pedestal. She is a woman of God walking her own journey of faith, with her own struggles and victories—just like every other daughter of Zion.
Recommended Reading
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Cultivating Discipline and Self-Control
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MINISTERING TO THE HUSBAND OF A FEMALE MINISTER
- Respect his wife’s calling. Don’t assume she only works on Sundays. Ministry is a full-time call with invisible, daily burdens. Be careful not to trivialize it.
- Don’t make him your complaint box. If something is bothering you about the minister’s leadership, go directly to her. Her husband is not your messenger.
- Keep him informed. Don’t assume he knows everything. If there’s something important, reach out to him directly.
- Speak life to his wife. When she’s encouraged, he’s encouraged. Every word of exhortation strengthens them both.
- Keep trust sacred. If he shares a prayer request, don’t turn it into gossip. A healthy church culture is a safe and confidential one.
- Don’t put his kids on a pedestal. Allow their children the grace to grow. They’re not angels—they’re kids. Extend the same mercy you want for yours.
- Get involved. Serving in the church takes pressure off ministers’ families. When you step up, they can breathe.
- Honor family time. Unless it’s urgent, hold back the late-night messages and emergency calls. Protect their time of rest and connection.
- Offer to help. An offer to babysit can be a powerful blessing. Even a few hours of quiet can recharge a weary ministry couple.
- Pray for their marriage. Ministry life has many pressures. Cover their home in prayer—ask God for spiritual strength, unity, and joy.
MINISTERING TO THE MINISTER’S TEENAGER
- Let them be teenagers. Don’t expect perfection or rebellion. Let them grow, question, and find their faith.
- Allow space to wrestle with faith. Every believer has moments of doubt. Be the safe adult who lets them ask hard questions and loves them through it.
- Show up. If their parent can’t make it to a game or performance, represent the church family and cheer them on.
- Pray fervently. Pray for the pastor’s teen like you pray for your own. Temptations, pressures, identity questions—all are real. They need covering.
- Celebrate their milestones. A card, small gift, or kind message on birthdays, graduations, and achievements speaks volumes.
- Invite them in. Help them find a place in the church family. They may feel awkward or excluded—be the bridge that welcomes them in.
- Celebrate their uniqueness. Discover and encourage their God-given talents. Help them use their gifts for God’s glory.
- Be a listening ear. Don’t preach—just listen. Let them vent, share, cry, or wonder—and respond with Christlike love.
- Mentor them. Be a spiritual big brother or sister. Walk life with them and show what real discipleship looks like.
- Encourage their parent to prioritize family. Sometimes ministry comes before home. Let your pastor know that his first ministry is to his family, and that the church supports that.
Ministering to those who minister is a sacred responsibility. It shows spiritual maturity, honors God’s kingdom order, and strengthens the Body of Christ. When you uplift the shepherd and his household, the entire flock benefits.
Let us serve God’s anointed with joy, prayer, honor, and love—so that together, we may fulfill the mission of Jesus Christ on the earth.