HEALTHY MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE: Parenting Skills For Ministers

There was a touching story of a pastor whose children called their parents for a serious discussion. With sadness in their voices, they said, “We don’t want to serve the God who took you away from us.” They turned to their mother and said, “You leave home early in the morning with a list of instructions and return only to correct us like a judge.” Then they faced their father and added, “As for you, we hardly see you at all.” Their parents were stunned and convicted. Thankfully, they repented and made intentional changes, setting time aside for their children. Six months later, the children also changed their minds and chose to serve God.

This real-life example exposes a painful truth: many ministers of the Gospel are failing in their role as parents. While faithfully serving in the vineyard of the Lord, we sometimes neglect the small vineyard God has entrusted to us—our own homes (cf. Song of Solomon 1:6).

Even Moses fell into this trap. He was so consumed by the work of ministry that he neglected his family. In Exodus 18:5-14, his father-in-law, Jethro, had to bring back his wife and children and then counsel him on how to manage his responsibilities.

A. BIBLICAL FOUNDATION FOR PARENTING

(Proverbs 22:6; Genesis 18:18–19; Deuteronomy 6:6–9; Ephesians 6:4; Exodus 2:9)

God has clearly commanded His people to raise their children in His ways. The responsibility to train, nurture, and disciple children is not given to the church, school, or society—it is primarily the duty of parents.

The Lord has placed our children’s hearts, minds, souls, and destinies into our hands as stewards. We must not neglect or abandon this divine trust.

Why Must Ministers Train Their Children?

Children are arrows in the hand of the Lord – Psalm 127:3-4. They are tools in God’s hands to achieve His purpose.
Children are born with a sinful nature – Psalm 51:5. They need spiritual direction and correction.
Children lack knowledge – Proverbs 19:2. They need teaching.
Children are imitators – Ezekiel 16:44. They follow what they see, not just what they’re told.
Children are vulnerable – Matthew 10:16. They are like sheep among wolves.
Children carry divine potential – They are God’s seeds of promise for the future.
Children are carriers of godly culture and heritage – We must raise them to preserve the faith.

Even Prophet Eli, a mighty man of God, failed as a parent. Because he did not discipline his sons, both he and his sons died in one day (1 Samuel 2:12–36; 4:17). Ministers must take parenting seriously. A spouse touches one’s personal joy, but children touch the future generation. Our legacy is shaped not only by the messages we preach, but also by the children we raise.

B. WHY MINISTERS STRUGGLE WITH PARENTING

(1 Samuel 8:3; 3:13)

A sad newspaper story reported how two sons of a pastor kidnapped the child of a wealthy church member. Shockingly, this happened on a Sunday morning while their fathers were preaching. What a painful testimony!

Common Reasons Ministers Fail as Parents:

Ignorance – Lack of knowledge about godly parenting.
Misguided faith – Believing that because we serve God, He will automatically take care of our family without our involvement.
Over-commitment – Being overly consumed by ministry work.
Neglect of responsibility – Not understanding or accepting parenting as part of ministry.
Career-driven couples – When both parents are overly focused on career and calling.
Denominational pressure – Some church systems place unreasonable demands on ministers.
Traditional or outdated parenting methods – Relying on styles that no longer work.
Lack of quality time – Not investing emotionally or physically in the children’s lives.
Pursuit of materialism – Running the rat race to acquire wealth, leaving spiritual and emotional needs unmet.
Bad example – Living contrary to what we preach.
Failure to pray and plan with children – Not involving them in spiritual or daily life planning.
Showing favoritism – Like Jacob favoring Joseph, causing division (Genesis 37).
No intentional parenting training – Not learning godly parenting skills.
Poverty and stress – Financial hardship can lead to neglect.

Because of these, many ministers’ children have grown up bitter against God, disinterested in church, and eager to follow worldly paths. This has caused heartbreak, fear, and shame to families and the body of Christ. Even God expressed His grief over His people’s rebellion in Isaiah 1:3.

Many of today’s “prodigals” are children of ministers. Some have outrightly rejected their faith, like Fela Anikulapo Kuti, who was the son of an Anglican priest. Why does this happen?

Why Ministers’ Children Go Astray:

Hypocrisy at home – Saying one thing in church, doing another at home.
Lack of honest and kind communication – Not speaking with love and clarity.
Forcing faith legalistically – Trying to control them instead of guiding them spiritually.
Parental disunity – Confusion about how to raise the children.
Sending them away early – Not living with them through their formative years.
Prayerlessness – Not covering them in consistent prayer.
Failure to meet their basic needs – When we neglect their physical and emotional well-being.
Over-pampering or no discipline – Creating entitlement or rebellion.
Allowing ungodly friendships or influences
No regular supervision or interest in their affairs
Not being a friend or companion to them
Having too many children without the grace to care for them all

These failures have turned many into rebels and spiritual prodigals. But there is hope! Our children may resist our voice, ignore our counsel, or challenge our values—but they cannot withstand the power of our persistent prayers. Isaiah 8:18; 54:13 are powerful promises. Even if Satan tries to attack ministers through their children, we can fight back on our knees.

C. PRACTICAL PARENTING SKILLS FOR MINISTERS

(Genesis 18:19; Proverbs 22:6; Psalm 78:5-6)

Being a good parent doesn’t come automatically. It requires humility, wisdom, and learning. Here are biblical and practical steps to develop godly parenting skills:

Pray for godly children before conception – Isaiah 54:13. Lay a spiritual foundation.
Only have children you can cater for – Spiritually, emotionally, and financially.
Keep your children close during their growing years – From birth to 18, be present.
Be a godly role model – Let your life be a testimony they can follow.
Discipline them in love – Correction without cruelty.
Invest time – Children understand love as “T-I-M-E.”
Watch your words – No foul or abusive language.
Pray, listen, and share life with them – Ephesians 6:4.
Never abuse or humiliate them
Create a loving and peaceful home environment – With unity between husband and wife.
Support their God-given gifts and dreams – Don’t force your will on them.
Provide as God helps you—without compromise or sin
Teach them by example and live by kingdom values
Leave behind godly values more than earthly inheritance
Keep praying for them persistently

Parenting is a lifelong assignment. It comes with mistakes, regrets, and growing pains. But after doing all you can, trust the Lord to complete the work in your children’s lives. Isaiah 54:13 – “All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.”

Let us rise, dear servants of God, and fulfill our responsibility not just on the pulpit but in our homes. Our greatest discipleship starts with our own children.