HEALTHY MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE: Separation, Divorce, And Remarriage

Separation, divorce, and remarriage are no longer distant issues—they are realities within the Body of Christ today. Many church leaders shy away from these topics, treating them like a plague to avoid. Unfortunately, this silence has allowed the problem to grow, affecting not only church members but also ministers, pastors, and overseers.

Notable figures such as Ray McCauley in South Africa and Rev. Chris Okotie in Nigeria, along with several bishops across America, have experienced these issues firsthand. As shepherds of God’s flock, we must no longer sweep this under the rug. This topic must be addressed prayerfully and truthfully, especially among those called to lead the Church of God. May the Lord use this truth to bring healing and order to the Body of Christ.

A. SCRIPTURAL FOUNDATION ON DIVORCE AND SEPARATION (Matthew 19:7,9; 5:31–32)

Our Lord Jesus Christ gave very clear teachings concerning divorce. God’s perfect will is that marriage be a covenant for life—“till death do us part.” According to the scriptures, the only clear biblical ground for divorce is fornication or sexual immorality.

Even Joseph, who was betrothed to Mary, had the right to put her away privately because she was found with child—but he chose mercy instead of judgment.

Here are some foundational truths:

Marriage is a sacred covenant between God, a man, and a woman. Only God has the authority to release it.
Marriage is meant to be a lifetime commitment, holy and honorable.
Divorce often brings pain, sorrow, emotional trauma, and spiritual instability.
Children suffer greatly when homes are broken—they carry emotional scars into adulthood.
Most marriages can work with intentional effort, godly counsel, and persistent prayer.

However, there are certain difficult and even dangerous situations in marriage that the Church must handle with maturity, spiritual discernment, and prayer. When we avoid these matters, we contribute to the rise of broken homes, single-parent families, and disillusioned believers within our congregations.

B. WHY SEPARATION AND SINGLE PARENTHOOD ARE INCREASING IN THE CHURCH

There is a rising number of believers—men and women—who find themselves raising children alone due to several troubling reasons:

Deception in marriage – Hidden marital histories such as being previously married or impotent.
Childlessness – Medical or fertility issues that create tension.
Long-distance marriage and career travel – Physical absence damages connection.
Adultery and moral failures – Infidelity causes deep hurt and broken trust.
Physical abuse – Domestic violence and assault.
Rejection by spouse or in-laws – Being driven out unjustly.
Emotional fatigue – Couples grow weary and give up.
Untimely widowhood – Early loss of a spouse.
Abandonment – One spouse leaves and never returns.

In some churches, the number of single mothers has become so high that it affects the spiritual health of the fellowship. A notable case involved a denomination where many women had been left by husbands who traveled and never returned. Because the church failed to disciple and support them, some of these women turned to sinful lifestyles, even influencing the church leadership in negative ways.

C. REASONS WHY PEOPLE SEPARATE AND REMARRY (1 Corinthians 7:10–11, 15)

Separation occurs when one spouse leaves the home due to unresolved marital problems. While it can be a temporary measure to cool tensions and allow healing, it often becomes permanent.

In some serious cases, separation may be necessary to save lives and preserve sanity. Here are some examples:

Violent or life-threatening marriages – Constant beating and domestic abuse.
Marriage entered through deception – For example, discovering a spouse is impotent after marriage.
Long-distance and sexual immorality – Leading to unfaithfulness.
In-law interference – Families forcing separation or reclaiming their daughter.
Sexual manipulation or public infidelity – Refusing intimacy or openly committing immorality.
Spiritual attacks or demonic afflictions – Such as unexplained physical afflictions, witchcraft, or spiritual poisoning.

Even though these situations may result in divorce or remarriage, it is important to emphasize that God’s grace is sufficient to help couples endure and overcome challenges, when both partners are willing to trust Him and work together.

D. BIBLICAL PROCESS FOR SEPARATION AND POSSIBLE DIVORCE

Not everyone has the grace to endure an abusive or dangerously broken marriage. However, the decision to separate or divorce must follow a careful, Spirit-led process:

Seek God’s face earnestly – Only God can release you from a covenant relationship.
There must be clear evidence of life-threatening danger or persistent, unrepentant sin.
Demonstrate long-suffering and perseverance – Don’t quit at the first sign of trouble.
Involve your spiritual authority early – Your pastors, spiritual fathers, and mentors must know from the beginning. Don’t lie or pretend just to get out.
Inform your biological families – The consent and counsel of both families is vital.
Submit to godly counsel – Follow the advice of your spiritual leaders after they’ve prayed and sought God’s will.
Exhaust all godly and legal means – Seek reconciliation through family, the church, Christian counseling, and—if necessary—the courts.

Only after all efforts have failed, and with the prayerful blessing of godly fathers and leaders, should separation or divorce be considered. To act without going through these steps may cause you to sin further in the sight of God.

E. MINISTERING TO THE SEPARATED, DIVORCED, AND HURTING

Sadly, many in the Church who are separated or divorced feel abandoned, rejected, and condemned. This should not be so. As the Body of Christ, we are called to be a healing place for the brokenhearted.

Here is how the Church should respond:

Reach out in love and compassion – Not in judgment.
Offer wise, biblical counseling – Guide them back into wholeness in Christ.
Care for their spiritual growth – Don’t sideline them.
Help heal their emotional wounds – Through sincere fellowship and support.
Trust God for restoration – Nothing is too difficult for the Lord.

Let the Church arise in wisdom, love, and truth on this matter. May we handle it not with carnal judgment, but with the heart of Christ, who came to heal the brokenhearted and restore what was lost. May God grant us grace to rebuild broken homes and to strengthen godly marriages in our midst.